Starsight’s Weblog

December 30, 2007

Last Supper

Filed under: Food, Religion — by starsight @ 4:31 pm
Tags: , , ,

Today, we prepare for our Last Supper.  This is a meal we eat at the end of the year.  It is filled with good things because the past year was filled with good things.  It is also a time of sadness because it is an ending.

We remember on this night all our loved ones whose lives have ended.  Some are distant fond memories of loved ones who died a long time ago.  Others are still fresh from their loss this year.  All are precious to us, and we set a place for these loved ones (a single place, there aren’t enough dishes or space to set a separate one for each)  to share our final meal of the year together.

This year, we’re serving roast duck with Nottingham Rice and a tian of winter vegetables, along with appetizers, starter soup, salad, bread, and dessert.  The appetizer is dragon tails and stuffed carrots.  The soup is a clear soup with carrot “fish” and “seaweed” scallions.  The salad is a cucumber radish in fruited vinaigrette.  The dessert is a trio of pies ( lemon cream, possum, and cranberry cherry) and a chocolate bundt cake with candy cane cream sauce.

No possums were harmed in the making of the possum pie.  I have no clue why it’s called that, it’s basically a graham cracker crust pie with a layered interior of cheescake and chocolate pudding and topped with whipped cream.

In Numenism, we chose to use New Year’s Eve as our “Day of the Dead” because it seemed culturally significant to us, more so than Halloween did.  In America, we slough off the old and take on the new at New Year’s, so in keeping with creating Numenism as a religion that was tied deeply and culturally into America as a whole.  The whole Old Man/Baby symbolism we have going on for New Year’s also helps support the religious concept of honoring old friends and loved ones and welcoming the new friends and new life of the upcoming year.

For more than 30 years, we’ve set a place for our beloved dead at our New Year’s Dinner, and served delicious foods in a formal and elaborate setting.  The altar contains mementos of our loved ones and we spend time there talking to our numena and the departed.  We don’t expect them to answer back, it’s just a way of keeping grounded and in touch with ourselves, to remember where we’ve been, and to plan out where we’re going.  Then, we eat, we watch a favorite movie (this year it’s Danny Kaye’s “Court Jester”  because we have new friends sharing the Last Supper with us who’ve never seen this classic), and we visit with departed friends and new ones.

Some day, if our adherents grow to enough numbers, we’ll have to stop meeting in private homes and our very small community centers and consider investing in a large fellowship hall of some sort.  But for now, we keep it small, intimate, and very relevant to us.

December 29, 2007

The Polar Santa

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 4:31 am

Is Santa real?  Is Santa satanic?  Is Santa a harmful fantasy?  Is Santa a harmless fantasy?

People are vehemently polarized around these questions.  Some use violent language to support their stance, and few listen to the others, so locked into their point of view they can’t conceive of any other.  The strength of their feelings is proof that this issue is a hot one.

And I suppose I’ll add to it.

Santa is real.  Santa is a harmful and a harmless fantasy.  There is no good age to tell children the truth about Santa because there is no real right one true and only Truth when it comes to Santa.

Santa has become an archetypal being that speaks to a deep need in the psyche of many people.  He stands apart from any other god, and according the theology of Numenism, well on his way to becoming a god in his own right.  He fulfills the needs many people have for a figure of bounty, someone who gives without expectation of reciprocation.  He doesn’t even look for thanks.  He gives because that is what he is.  Whatever his history, whatever his origins, his sole reason to exist is to give.

Once upon a time, he gave unconditionally.  There was no differentiation between good children and bad children, and no differentiation based upon age.   As he evolved in the human psyche, he assumed more power.  He became able to see if a child or person was good or bad, and awarded his gifts accordingly.  Good children received fruit, nuts, coins, the occasional toy, and candy.  Bad children received straw or coal.  Santa acquired a helper because the human mind balked at believing just one being could visit every child in the world in a single night.

Time built a village supporting Santa’s endeavors and populated that village with magical beings who made the toys and powered Santa’s sleigh.  An entire mythology grew around Santa.

It is this mythos that I feel is harmful.  The concept of Santa, Santa as a God of gifting, is a good concept.  Santa as a judge of naughty and nice and gifting accordingly would be acceptable if the results were accurate – if naughty children really did receive straw or coal and the good children really did receive treats and a gift they really wanted.

It doesn’t work that way, though.  Children of wealthy families receive all manner of expensive gifts no matter how they behaved in the past year.  Children of poorer families  received no gift at all, or paltry gifts that hurt in view of the luxurious gifts of their wealthier classmates.  The lesson the children learn isn’t that Santa is generous, but that Santa favors the rich.  They learn that behavior matters less than social position.  When the poor but good child sees that the rich class bully gets the coveted bicycle, the Wii, the Gameboy, and the iPhone while he gets an orange, a second hand book on fishing, and new socks and undies, the conclusion is obvious – Santa gifts according to the wealth of the family, not the behavior of the child.  It doesn’t matter if the children are naughty or nice.  No matter how good the poor child is, he will never get that bicycle.  No matter how bad the rich child is, he will always get what he wants.

That part of Santa’s mythos is harmful.

That one part of the evolved myth of Santa is harmful doesn’t mean the entire concept of Santa should be scrapped.   The generosity, the joy, the desire to gift others just because they can is an important part of the Santa Myth.  I encourage the myth of the Secret Santa, where people fulfill the wishes of others anonymously.

I saw a part of a commercial earlier this year that summed up the true spirit of Santa quite well:  “don’t give a gift, fill a wish.”  I don’t know what the commercial was for, but that line is the spirit of Santa.  Find out the wishes of those about you, and see if there’s some way you can make one of those wishes come true.  You don’t have to limit it to Christmas.  The Spirit of Santa can be felt throughout the year.

In fact, removing the gifting aspect away from Christmas would allow Christians to reclaim the true spirit of Christmas, which isn’t the same as the spirit of Santa.   Christmas is about the birth of Christ, a celebration of that birth, and the gifts Christians give at that time of the year should be gifts to Jesus, or possibly to the churches that adhere to Jesus.  The story of the birth of Jesus is important for Christians to tell one another, so the Passion Plays and parties where they dress up as their favorite Biblical character from the life of Jesus would be good.  Songs and praises and feasting would also be appropriate ways to celebrate Christmas.  Gifting to other people takes away from the focus of Christmas, which should always be the birth and life of Jesus.

The feast of Santa Claus may happen near the same time as Christmas because it is a mythos bound in winter.  The festivities are winter-oriented ones.  The gifting should be wish fulfillment – not giving gifts you think the other person should want, or things you’d like to receive but things the recipient truly desires but either would not or cannot get for themselves.  Secret Santas would rule Santa Claus’s Day.  Handmade gifts and impromptu poetry would be an excellent way to celebrate Santa Claus.

I’m all for separating Santa from Christmas.  The two have no relation to one another and we could always use a secular day of celebration that anyone from any religion could support without infringing upon the sacred and holy days of each religion.

Me, I have no problem enjoying both secular and religions days. Memorial Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, Columbus Day, Presidents Day, Veterans Day, Cookie Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, May Day, New Year’s Day, Midsummer Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Mardi Gras, Ground Hog Day, and now Santa’s Day would nicely fill out a secular year of celebration.  These days can be celebrated in and around religious holy days like Christmas, Easter, Passover, Saint’s Days, Yalda, Diwali, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and so many more.  Why should we suppress all religious celebrations when we can instead pay tribute to them by sharing in the celebratory meals and offering the celebrants whatever sentiments are appropriate to their holy day?  I see nothing wrong with every day being a holy day or secular day of celebration.  We don’t have to cease working for any but the large secular celebrations because those are celebrations the entire populace of a country would celebrate.  All Americans, for example, should celebrate the 4th of July, Veterans Day, Memorial Day, and Labor Day.  Other secular celebrations would be optional.

I wouldn’t mind working on Christmas because it’s not a holy day for me.  I would far rather have Santa’s Day off, or Cookie Day than Christmas Day.

Retailers might be happier about spreading out the gifting occasions rather than hoping for one brief good month of sales to support them throughout the year.

I can even see Santa’s Day being a portable feast, celebrated at different times by families or corporations or even cities or states.   No one would be stressed out about trying to cram all the family visits into a one week period when they can leisurely visit distant family in different months.  They could get to know the families much better.

In the end, I see Santa as a positive force.  Santa is real because Santa is the avatar of our generosity and love for one another.

December 28, 2007

Bounty

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 7:38 pm



Bug-Eyed Spaghetti

Originally uploaded by nodigio

Gospel of Prosperity as advocated by Pentacostal, charismatic, and dominionist churches is different in many ways from the Bounty Ministry of Numenism.

The preachers of the Gospel of Prosperity start with the premise that one is poor because one lacks faith in their God, and they say that by keeping the faith and by giving to the right churches (themselves, generally), they will find favor with God and thereby become wealthy. If they continue to be impoverished, it’s because they lack faith, sufficient faith.

They back this up with the judicious cherry picking of scriptural verses, like Corinthians II, where Paul writes that Jesus became poor so that by his poverty others could become rich. Their “Name it and Claim it” and “word of Faith” teachings all taught of the pressing needs of here and now with no thought for the spiritual ramifications of their teachings. Many of these preachers depend upon the fact that they’ve convinced their followers that they speak directly to God and they bear back the word of God, which, not surprisingly, always has to do with giving more money to their church (and through the church to them). Oral Roberts may be the best known evangelical to claim direct conversations with God that brought about personal profit for himself. And people, desperate people, believed that the wealth showered upon Oral Roberts would be showered upon themselves if they just believed hard enough and gave more of their own money t Oral Roberts and those like him. Pat Robertson, for example. And Rev. Dollar.

The followers of the Gospel of Prosperity believed – still believe, actually – that wealth comes directly from God as a reward for being faithful.

In our Bounty Ministry, we believe we already have all the wealth the gods will bestow upon us. It is already ours. We need to recognize that fact, accept it, and look to see what of the wealth we have is what we need. In many cases, people who look deeply into their own personal assets, spiritual, physical, and social, they find they have a surplus. They are encouraged to share that surplus around. We acknowledge that some people need more than others, so we’ve incorporated the concept of “rightsizing” into our Bounty Ministry. The Bounty Ministry I symbolized by a cornucopia, filled and overflowing. Each person is a cornucopia, a vessel that needs to be filled. What spills out flows into other cornucopias, whether that “cornucopia” is a friend, a pet, a stray animal, a homeless person, a supervisor, a wild animal, a plant.

We all have basic needs.

We require breathable air. The gods gave us – free of charge – a world full of breathable air.

We require potable water. The gods gave us – free of charge – lakes, rivers, and aquifers full of potable, sweet water.

We require shelter. The gods gave us – free of charge – caves, trees, rocks, mud, straw, and other materials from which to build suitable shelters. As part of shelter, we require protective clothing. The gods gave us – free of charge – plant materials and animal hides and the knowledge and skill to convert them into wearable items.

We require food. The gods gave us – free of charge – edible plants and prey animals.

We require companionship. The gods gave us – free of charge – family and friends, pets, and plants to keep us company and the skills and knowledge to communicate with them and interact with them on many levels. The reward of companionship is our ability to give and receive what we do with the gifts the gods bestowed upon us.

We require occupation. The only thing the gods gave us that requires no conscious effort on our part is breathable air. For everything else, the gods placed them in easy reach for us and them gave us the skills and knowledge of how to acquire them. To keep us occupied even after our basic needs were satisfied; the gods gave us three more gifts: creativity, passion, curiosity. It is with these gifts that we create a bounty from the basic gifts of the gods.

The gods gave us one last gift. Some may consider it a curse, but it is still ours, nonetheless. The gods gave us free will. They gave us these gifts and then left us to do with them as we will for so long as we live.

All this, the gods gave us. They have asked no payment for them except our death. That death comes through only two venues: illness and injury. Even death is mitigated by generous gods who gave us the skills and knowledge to cure most illnesses and heal most wounds. By those acts, we believe the gods would like us to live long, happy lives.

It is we, the people, who impose prices and payments on things. It is we who put words in the mouths of our gods to goad others into doing things for us. It is we who deprive others of the things the gods gave us. It is we who inflict the majority of our pain and suffering upon ourselves.

With the gift of creativity came intelligence and awareness. With intelligence and awareness come other, less pleasant gifts – like greed, selfishness, jealousy, covetousness, ego, and fear. The ability to make tools to pluck fruits, harvest grains, build shelters, hunt animals, and create clothing also gave us the ability to hoard, wound and kill.

Still, the gods demand no price from us for the bounty placed in this world along with us. They do not require us to be nice, to share the bounty, to care about one another. They do not require us to beat one another or kill in their name. They have given us all these gifts to do with as we please. Judging by our history, we please to hurt one another, to kill one another, to deny one another basic needs just because we can.

In our Bounty Ministry, we teach that we don’t have to impose pain and suffering upon ourselves or others. The gods gave us large and versatile brains, and many physical abilities. Combined, we have – for free – all we need to prosper, all we need to live long and happy lives. Yes, there are elements in our lives that aren’t “fair”: diseases, natural disasters, birth defects, and genetic mutations that mimic diseases, but the gods gave us the skills and knowledge to even the odds. Life isn’t always fair because we have the gifts we can use to alter that, to make it more fair, to ensure we all have all that we need.

That we can also use those blessings and tools as weapons is a choice we have been given the freedom to make for ourselves. There are no gods hanging over our shoulder, telling us we can’t hoard more than we need. There are no gods condemning us for killing others for what we think we need. No god will bless us for the good we do as we wend our way through our lives, for they have already given us all the blessings we need.

For some people, this freedom unbalances them – they react in fear and greed, hoarding, wounding, killing to snatch all they think they need and more. Others become timid and barely take the minimum they need to survive. Holiness and sanctity are interpreted in many different ways, as is evil and unholiness. What could be a balanced and peaceful system of barter, enhanced with a token system representing real goods (money) became a system of greed with some proclaiming power over others, including the right to control their basic needs.

This is the core of Bounty Ministry: we have all we need and more. The gods have given us blessings and tools and the ability to acquire knowledge to make our lives even better. We have each been given one life filled with passion and beauty, and the freedom to use it as we will.

It is possible we were meant to play a competitive zero-sum game like “King of the Hill” – where each of us fights and struggles to collect all the resources for just one person, and the last person left standing wins everything – life, the universe, godhood, the whole and all.

In the Bounty Ministry, we choose to believe the goal is not a competitive and violent game like “King of the Hill”, but closer to “Elf Chess” where each player adds to the game board to create a work of art; the final product is more than each piece and it means different things to each player – it is an accomplishment of both individual and communal joy and pride. The pieces can be anything – from a grain of sand to a mechanical device that uses or acts upon all the other contributed pieces. It may take weeks and ingenuity to create the perfect piece to add to the game board, or it may be a matter of finding the right thing to put it in the right place at the right time. It is a cooperative and intensely creative game that enriches the players and the observers.

We choose to believe we were meant to use the gifts we were give by the gods to transcend who and what we are, to be more than the sum of ourselves. In our spiritual worldview, we live lives of many layers, the numena live in layers beyond and interwoven with ours, with the gods encompassing all those layers and more. Using our gifts in selfish, violent, fearful ways contracts us down, limits us, makes us less, separates us out. The gifts we were freely given, used well, would allow us to expand beyond our limited layers and well into the divine spheres. We would become more: more powerful, more knowledgeable, more flexible, more wealthy, more healthy, more creative, more divine.

In the Bounty Ministry, we take the gifts of the gods, our basic needs, and combine them in ways that fulfill our longings and passions – from music to travel to beauteous things to things to make our lives more convenient. We advocate a concept we call “rightsizing” – each person has their own basic minimum needs, and the little extra that will make them feel secure and bounteous. This comprises their cornucopia, and anything that falls outside it is their bounty – to share, to put up for a future need, to give away as freely as the gods gave to us. We help people find their rightsize, help them learn to know when their cornucopia is full, and what to do with the overflow.

Snow Again

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 2:10 pm



Snow Again

Originally uploaded by nodigio

Snow again, but as you can tell, today it’s barely a dusting. Last Wednesday, we had 3 inches of snow in three hours. Two hours after the snow stopped, it had all melted away. I didn’t have a camera with me or I’d have taken at least one picture then.

I guess this will be our Snow Year, like 6 years ago was our Ice Year. We had more ice continuously on the ground 6 years ago than we’ve had for the 30 years I’ve lived here. 8 years ago, we had lots of snow but it started earlier this year than then, and our worst snow months lie ahead – January and February.

Last year was looking to be a contender for Snow Year in terms of inches of snow, but then we didn’t get any serious snow after that first bout at the end of November 2006. That one snow storm was the worst I recall in this area – 12-15 inches of snow on the ground for more than a week. For 2 days of that, the roads weren’t passable because the snow was falling and the road crews couldn’t keep up. It was so cold it shattered car windows. And then it was over for the year, but for spotty snow like last night’s fall.

So maybe this year will just be the usual spits and spats of snow that last a day. If that.

We’ll see.

December 27, 2007

Mince Pie Recipe

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 7:06 pm



Pi Row

Originally uploaded by nodigio

This isn’t a mince meat recipe, it’s a minced fruit recipe. I differentiate between them by calling the meat pie recipe a mincemeat pie, and the fruity one by calling it simply a mince pie. Since I make and serve both, that distinction needs to be made.

That said, here’s the ingredient list. Be sure you get unsulphered dried fruits, otherwise the flavor and color will be off.

1 cup of chopped orange pulp – remove the membranes and seeds
1 cup peeled, cored, and chopped tart apple (winesap is my favorite, but hard to find hereabout, so Granny Smith will do well)
1 cup sugar – use cane sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup ruby port
1/2 cup frangelico
1/2 cup brandy
4 ounces each of dried apples, cherries, apricots, and peaches
2 ounces of dried currants
1 ounce of candied ginger
1/2 stick of unsalted butter
1/2 teaspoon each of ground allspice, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cardamom
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
dash of salt
teeny pinch of cayenne

Method:

Simmer all these ingredients together in an enameled or pyrex pot for 40 minutes – until the dried fruits are plump and full. Cool completely. Coarsely chop the fruits so no piece is larger than a small pea. Cover and refrigerate for 2 weeks before using if you intend to use it this holiday season.

Otherwise, sterilize 5 pint sized canning jars (or 10 half pint), reheat the fruit mixture, and can it according to the instructions for the type of canning you plan (pressure, boiling water bath). Since this is a fruit recipe, you can use either method. I prefer the water bath, boiling it for 20 minutes for pint jars and 15 minutes for half pint jars.

December 26, 2007

On handling a disaster:

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 10:20 pm



Kegger’s New Best Friend

Originally uploaded by nodigio

1. Act immediately and forcefully. Say, “We are handling the matter. This is not a normal situation, and we are going to take action to see it doesn’t happen again.” Then, show you are actually doing something. Take responsibility. Acknowledge you have a responsibility for what happened and are taking an active part in fixing it.

2. Control the pictures by offering flattering ones. Whatever the situation, make sure you have lots of good, positive pictures to support your contention that you are in an aberrant situation and these pictures are what’s normal.

3. Create a structure, a visible structure that lets people know you are on top of the situation and results will be forthcoming. Create an investigative force who then conducts studies, offers information, issues reports, place ads. Don’t wait for others to force you.

4. You have to not only do the right thing, but show the people you are doing the right thing – transparency. Be open, be available, and don’t use mushy mealy-mouthed language.

5. Tell the story first. Make sure the story has personal interest, has a beginning, a middle, and a satisfying end.

6. Apologize. Even if you’re not in the wrong, issuing an apology, a good, real, solid apology that makes no bones about your part in the problem without making any excuses or placing blame elsewhere, will do a tremendous amount of good for you.

Snow Again

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 10:02 pm



Snowy Leaf

Originally uploaded by nodigio

It snowed today. Between 9:30 a.m. and 1:00 p.m., we accumulated the astonishing amount of 3 entire inches of snow.

By 2:00 p.m. most of it had melted, and by 4:00 p.m., you’d never know we had snow today at all.

Homeless

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 5:02 pm



Paul and the Pack

Originally uploaded by nodigio

http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSN1850682120071221

People are being forced out of apartments and onto the streets as demand rises due to foreclosures in the housing market.

The people in the cities hardest hit by these balloon mortgages say it’s a local problem but the solution shouldn’t be local.

I say the solution must be local. The cities and counties where this is the worst needs to examine the lending practices they have allowed to proliferate, not just the subprime lenders, but the payday loan places – because greed and unethical interest rates are an endemic problem among these institutions. Once the cities have cleaned up their acts, they need to bring their solutions to the counties and states, which will then formulate a plan to make in nation-wide. The solution must start in the grounds where it began.

I can’t afford to feed any more people than I already do, and the homeless population is growing rapidly – people with jobs, with income, but unable to afford – or sometimes even find – a place to live. We don’t have tent cities yet here, but we’re not far from them springing up. People have to live somewhere and the cycle of greed has to end sometime.

I blame this whole mess on greed – people greedy for living beyond their means and people willing to fund that greed at exorbitant rates. Unfortunately, it’s not the greedy who suffer the most, it’s the innocent renter who loses her home because her landlord defaulted on the mortgage and the property was foreclosed upon, and she finds herself in the streets with less than a week’s notice – assuming she doesn’t come home from work one day to find her belongings either on the street or the locks changed on her door and her things beyond her reach. It’s the low-income and fixed income renters who are priced out of a market because the greedy former homeowners need somewhere to live and they’ve pushed the prices of renting up too high for these people. I remember once, when we had a shortage in apartments, my rent shot from $185 a month to $390 a month and I flat couldn’t afford the increase. I found a crappy house in a crime-riddled neighborhood and moved there – and haven’t been able to afford an apartment since. Even today, as a homeowner, I couldn’t afford to live in an apartment.

Carbon Footprinting

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 4:58 pm



Shika Resenting Her Picture

Originally uploaded by nodigio

OK, I read where someone calculated the carbon footprint of Christmas, and may I say that potato and carrot peelings are NOT a “carbon footprint”, but a compostable, renewable resource that is the opposite of carbon footprint. The research claims the average person will use 57 pounds of CO2 on food alone. They are including in this such things as compostables and recyclables, which I think defeats the purpose of counting the carbon footprint. It’s not accurate if it doesn’t take into account the carbon renewal footprint, which could reduce the carbon usage footprint.

It’s like when I talk about locavorism, and people immediately start making really stupid comments like “But that means I can’t eat tomatoes in the winter!” Yes, you can have tomatoes in winter. Ever heard of sundried tomatoes, tomato sauce, tomato paste, canned diced tomatoes, and tomato soup? There are lots of ways to have tomatoes year round – you just can’t always have fresh tomatoes – unless you grow your own indoors in your home. And they start saying, “Yeah, what about salt, Huh? Huh? And coffee? And pepper?” They just don’t get that locavorism isn’t about eating ONLY foods within a certain range. It’s about supporting local farmers. You buy what’s available locally, then buy what else you’d normally eat from fair trade and other responsible places. The carbon usage footprint is offset by renewal, sustainable farming methods, and by supporting economies both local and global. Eating seasonally is healthier, it supports the local economy, and it encourages responsibility by giving faces to both the consumer and the farmer. Eating sustainable means being aware of the source of your food – is it fair trade/ How many miles did it travel? Is it worth the miles traveled to buy it? For a feast, maybe, for daily eating, maybe not. It depends on your needs and perspective.

Carbon footprints need to account for the renewable aspects as well as the consumable. Everyone is all up in arms about how large a carbon footprint we make without considering the many ways we also reduce that footprint – and I think that’s unfair to all of us who do consider the renewable and sustainable and do our best to live our lives that way.

Life is about consuming and creating, we just need to make sure we don’t out-consume what we create and generate.

Tiaras

Filed under: Uncategorized — by starsight @ 1:53 am

I read in the paper that tiaras were becoming a fashion statement here in America.  Many women were wondering what the etiquette was for wearing a tiara.  There really isn’t any special etiquette in America for wearing a tiara.  We have no history of royalty and no sumptuary laws which define what we can wear based on our social standing and degree of wealth.  This morning, I washed dishes wearing a tiara.

In Europe, wearing a tiara was common because a tiara (or diadem) was not a symbol of royalty in the way crowns and circlets were.  When I grew up in Germany, we wore tiaras for festivals if we weren’t wearing our regional costumes (and sometimes a tiara was a part of that). We wore tiaras when we dressed up to eat out in a restaurant with more than 3 stars.  We wore them to formal parties and even to very formal cocktail parties.  A tiara was an important accessory for tea, but not for coffee.  We wore tiaras for balls and proms and weddings.

I received my first tiara at my coming-of-age party.  I inherited my grandmother’s tiara and my mother’s tiara.  My grandmother’s tiara is more than 100 years old now, and my mother’s is 70 years old.  My own tiara is almost 50 years old.  all three are ornate rhinestone tiaras, set in good metal.

It takes bravery to wear a tiara in America if you’re older than, say, 8.  People stare at you.  They make rude comments.  They follow you and pester you with questions.  But, like tattoos, pink hair, and eyebrow piercings, they are a fashion statement that sometimes feels right.

I will wear my tiara to any event where the dress is formal.  Balls, high dollar fund raisers, festivals, celebrations, and sometimes, just washing dishes.

There is an art to wearing tiaras.   They are not worn like a headband, but placed horizontally on the head.  In Germany, we’d braid our hair into coronets that would help hold the tiara on, but you can also use hair rolls, buns, and other upswept hairstyles to give the tiara stability and anchorage.  A loose upsweep is prettier than an executively tight bun. If your hair is full and/or curly, you can wear your hair down. The head must be held high when wearing a tiara, mostly so it doesn’t fall off.

Modern day wear of a tiara isn’t meant to be serious.  The more frivolous and joyous and whimsical you are when wearing one, the more successful the wearing will be.  They are a playful accessory.

I intend to wear each of my tiaras whenever there’s an occasion, and sometimes, when there’s none.  I will wear them  with jeans, with suede, with chiffon and lace,  with wool.  I will wear them when I wash dishes and vacuum the floor, or when meeting friends for tea.  I will wear them clubbing.  I will wear them mucking about in the garden.

Life  is too short to wear a tiara only once or twice in a lifetime.

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